Each week we will be sharing a tip from our school psychologist, Mrs. Rollins.

This week we are talking about – How to Encourage Healthy Communication

How to Encourage Healthy Communication

Kids come in all shapes and sizes, which is also true of their conversation skills. Some of our kids never stop talking and others seem to keep everything to themselves. How do we encourage good communication from both types and everyone in between? Below are a few suggestions to get a conversation going and have it move well.

1. Setting up conversation – pick a specific time and give yourself about 10 minutes to talk. Eliminate distractions by turning off devices to make sure each of you can focus on eachother. It may have to occur at a time when other children aren’t present. This sends the message that you are ready to listen and that this is important to you.
2. Spending Quality Time- sometimes kids cannot face the intensity of one-to-one time with no distractions. If you’re trying to start to connect with your child, start with a preferred activity of the child. Play their favorite game with them, find out about their favorite activity, and take time to learn more about what they do in their day. These can provide conversation starters and shared experiences to talk about.
3. Start with the positive – kids can sense when we’re nervous or irritated. We can sound like we’re interrogating them when all we really want is to connect. Start out with a simple greeting that you are happy to see them. Their response to this can tell you if they are ready to talk now or need time to decompress.
4. Avoid Judgement – your kids care about what you think and how you react to them. If they fear your reaction to what they have to say, they’ll keep it from you or lie. Try to listen with patience and without judgment. It is always good to let them know you can help if needed, but wait for them to realize they need help. These responses encourage independence and model asking/communicating rather than expecting/mind-reading, which promotes healthy relationships later on.
5. Avoid Yes and No questions – If you ask yes and no questions, you have limited the conversation. Then you might start rapid-fire questions to keep the conversation going which mimics an interrogation. Instead ask something specific like, “What was your favorite center today?”, “What game did you play at recess?”, “What specialty did you have?”. Also, ask how they felt about events or whether they like it or not. You may still get, “I don’t know”, but you might get an interesting response.
6. Model – Conversation is not a one-sided event. If you share about yourself, your day, problems, and how you solved them, you show you are willing to be vulnerable with your children. Then they will see it is ok to respond that way. Don’t be surprised if the way you are communicating is reflected back at you. It is always good to end by saying something like, “Thanks for listening. I feel better when I can talk to you about things.”

Positive Parenting Solutions has 7 Tips on Improving Communication, KC Parent has Tips for Inspiring Conversation with Your Kids, and PBS has resources on How to Have Better Conversations with Your Children if you are interested in reading more about this topic. 

For more information: https://www.positiveparentingsolutions.com/parenting/help-kids-open-up-improve-communication https://kcparent.com/parenting/tips-for-inspiring-conversation-with-your-kids/ https://www.pbs.org/parents/thrive/how-to-have-better-conversations-with-your-children

To get some information and practice consider Utah Parent Center’s free event: Teaching Conversation Skill Thursday, Feb. 23rd from 6-8 PM. 

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